Playing A Video Game Is Hard When You're Short One Finger
by yurImperial
Summary: In which Peridot conquers the ultimate evil, Lapis learns the meaning of dexterity, and Steven gets to hang out with his two new house-guests. Lapidot. Rated M for suggestive content and absurd plot.


"Peridot... where are your fingers?"

From her vantage point at the top of the ladder, Lapis glares down at the green gem - who is _supposed_ to be holding the ladder in place - or more specifically, at her left wrist and its conspicuously missing digits.

"I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about," Peridot says. Her smirk, hidden just out of view, goes unnoticed as the hem of Lapis Lazuli's skirt slowly lifts in the back, courtesy of a floating disembodied finger. Lapis just sighs and reaches up to place the box she's holding on top of the kitchen cupboard.

"Just help me finish putting these away and we can mess around after."

Peridot pays no attention as she admires her secret lover's panties, which are far too white and innocent for what the green gem has on her mind. She still has four more fingers and she intends to use them.

"Peri, hand me the next box, please."

Peridot absently floats her other digits over to another box and hands it off to Lapis. The blue gem nearly drops it when something suddenly crawls up her thigh, its surface smooth and cool. The yelp she lets out makes Peridot shiver with satisfaction. Lapis has to brace one hand against the cupboard to stabilize herself after nearly jumping off of the ladder in surprise.

"That's not funny, Peridot! I know it's you."

The green gem only snickers and slides another finger up the back of her lover's dress. Lapis's spine snaps straight from the sensation of the object sliding up between her shoulder blades. The ladder wobbles slightly with her fidgeting.

"I said cut it- ahh," Lapis's words are caught off by a gasp when yet another finger brushes along her inner thigh. She twists and rises onto her tiptoes, knowing just where the fifth and last finger is likely to be heading.

"I'm warning you, Peri!" Lapis's voice is shaky enough to match the shuddering ladder, which Peridot is no longer paying attention to. No, her attention is taken up by the task of controlling five separate fingers independently while being dodged by her target. This act takes so much concentration that by the time she notices the ladder tipping, it's far too late to stop.

And far too late to dodge a wet slap to the face.

When Peridot next opens her eyes, she's staring at the ceiling. Mostly. Some blue obscures part of her vision, then more as Lapis shifts above her. Choking back a groan, the green gem raises herself up on her elbows to assess the situation.

1\. Her face is now damp.

2\. Lapis is sitting on top of her.

Lapis' sucks in a breath as if in pain, her body pressed right up against Peridot. Suddenly worried, Peridot sits forward and cranes her neck around Lapis's body to inspect the gem on her back. In doing so, she gets splashed with more water. Spluttering and wiping her face, she finally notices the watery wings extending from Lapis's back and relief washes over her. They must have slowed her fall.

"You're not hurt, are you?" Peridot asks just to be sure.

"No, but..." Lapis's flushed face as she glances down makes Peridot suddenly aware of another kind of wetness surrounding one of her disembodied fingers. She flexes it experimentally and is satisfied with the way Lapis's breath hitches. An opportunity presents itself to Peridot, and gladly accepts it. Using her nine remaining fingers, she lifts her lover off of the kitchen floor by her waist and carries her over to the counter, sitting her up with her back against the cabinets.

"H-Hey, wha-"

Peridot seals her lips with a slow kiss that melts away any thought of protest. When she pulls away, a pair of arms around her neck keeps her close enough to feel ragged breaths on her lips.

"We're done with the chores now." Lapis's voice is low and sultry with desire. The effect is that the simple statement sounds less innocuous and more assertive that it has any right to be.

Smirking, Peridot reaches up on her tiptoes for another kiss. " _Finally_."

Then the door bursts open.

The two lovers separate so fast that Lapis slams her head into the cupboard behind her and Peridot trips over the fallen ladder.

"I'm home! Lapis? Peridot?"

Steven's greeting is only met by two pained groans. As he enters the kitchen in search of the two house-guests, Lapis has just finished shuffling her skirt into place and Peridot has picked herself up to lean nonchalantly against the refrigerator, left arm hidden behind her back.

"So what are you guys doing?" Steven asks in his carefree manner.

"We're just finishing the chores," Lapis says with a covert glance at Peridot.

"Then what are you doing up there on the counter?" Steven asks with a chuckle.

"I-" Lapis casts her eyes about for some kind of excuse, sees a towel, snatches it, and starts wiping the counter. "It's dirty, so I'm, you know, cleaning it." Panicking, Lapis summons a spray of water from the nearby sink, drenching the counter top more than necessary. Behind Steven, Peridot waves frantically with both hands to get her to stop, but the motion carries over to her missing finger. Lapis yelps and cuts the water off, blushing. Meanwhile, Steven is now looking at Peridot's hands contemplatively.

"Hey, waiiiit a minute. Don't you normally have ten fingers, Peridot?"

"Oh, yeah - I, uh, lost one," Peridot deadpans. Lapis just face-palms.

"Hmm... Thaaaat's weird. Well, as long as you can still play video games." Both gems' mouths drop open at how easily Steven accepts the lie.

 _Oh, clod!_ Peridot suddenly berates herself. _I completely forgot I was supposed to help Steven finish playing that game today._

Steven has been stuck on the last boss of _Dark Spirits_ , so he asked Peridot for help, she being the tech wizard that she is. She refused at first, saying that such inferior human technology couldn't possibly challenge her, but Lapis convinced her to humor him. Many hours and several frustrated breakdowns later, Peridot now concedes that humans have a knack for making tech-based entertainment. The problem now is that the biggest challenge of all has come up at the worst possible time.

"What are we going to do?" Lapis hisses under her breath as Steven leads them to his bedroom. " _It's_ stuck _inside_ , but now Steven's here." Peridot just shrugs and grins apologetically, then can't help but smirk at the predicament as she watches Lapis's stiff-legged gait.

* * *

"Okay, so we just got to the Lair of Dark Memories and defeated the sub-boss. I've tried so many times, but the King of Darkness is almost impossible to beat. I'm sure you can do it, though!"

The three sit at the end of Steven's bed in front of the small TV with Peridot in the middle. Steven passes the controller off to her and she assumes an air of grim determination as the game's loading menu appears. Her grip is a little awkward with one finger missing, and to make matters worse, with every button-press the digit spasms inside of Lapis. Every few seconds, she convulses like she took a small zap of electricity, despite her best efforts to hide it.

Peridot quickly discovers that a difficult game is made even tougher when someone is squeezing your arm and practically moaning into your ear, which in the end only prolongs Lapis's misery. The green gem decides that the arm-squeezing may be acceptable payback for getting Lapis into this situation in the first place. She hopes that Steven doesn't notice the Lapis's barely-restrained erotic behavior, or her own growing blush.

"Faster, Peridot..." Lapis gasps.

Peridot glances over at her and her avatar nearly takes a fatal hit.

"I'm trying. It's really- really- hard!" On-screen, the boss summons flames to fill the entire arena. Peridot's avatar drops to a quarter of its health.

"GAHH! What a cheap shot!" Peridot is on the verge of foaming at the mouth; Lapis is flushed brighter than a fire hydrant and drooling like a broken faucet.

"Grr, I'll show you what a gem can do you stupid-!"

"Peri... you have to to finish it... now!"

Peridot doesn't have to look over to recognize the quivering that heralds Lapis's mounting climax.

"If you rush me, it'll take even longer," the green gem retorts irritably.

"Is something wrong, Lapis?"

Steven looks over at the blue gem in concern. To her credit, she manages to school her features into place long enough to reassure him.

"No! No, Steven, I just- I really! Ah, want to s-see the ending, that's all."

All attention is drawn back to the screen when Peridot lands a hit that stumbles the boss. Its health bar is about even with her avatar's, now.

"You're almost... there... so close, Peri... dot." Lapis struggles to speak as she inhales rapid, ragged breaths.

Peridot swivels the joystick to dodge an incoming attack, and Lapis has to bite her lip _hard_ to hold back a scream as that damn finger gyrates like a- well, Lapis's mind is too preoccupied to think of an example because _damn you Peridot!_

Unfortunately, the dodge is a little late and the boss grabs Peridot's avatar in a grapple, forcing her to tap a button repeatedly to free herself. Lapis's grip on her bicep turns into an iron manacle, the finger inside her jackhammering in time with Peridot's tapping. The green gem's arm feels like a boa constrictor's prey and she seriously begins to worry that it will fall off if this abuse keeps up.

Luckily for her, Lapis can't take any more.

"Bathroom!" she gasps as she jumps up and runs off faster than Steven has ever seen her move.

"But you'll miss the-" Steven calls out after her, but she's already out of earshot. "-ending."

No longer needing to hold back for Lapis's sake, Peridot goes at the boss harder than ever. Her fingers move in a blur over the controller, hitting nearly every button at once thanks to their free-floating nature. She just hopes Lapis doesn't flood the bathroom from all the stimulation - although she has to admit that it would be hilarious.

"One more hit!" Steven cries out.

Peridot's concentration reaches new heights as her avatar dodges blow after blow, circling in for the victory kill. It's almost as if she has a taste of Garnet's Future Vision and can sense every move before it strikes. Her chest rises and falls rapidly even as time itself slows down to a crawl; all that exists is this one moment. It's now or never. With an ecstatic cry, she launches a final attack.

An explosion blots out the screen and a wave of euphoria crashes over Peridot.

"YES! Take that, dumb clod! I win! I win! Bow down before Peridot, Master of Human Entertainment!"

She shares a victory dance with Steven until she remembers Lapis. But after all that hard work, she deserves to at least see the ending of the game.

* * *

Peridot is waiting outside the bathroom door when Lapis finally appears. It looks like she just rode out a hurricane; her hair is disheveled, her eyes are glazed over, and she still can't quite walk straight.

"I beat the game." Peridot's face is the very image of smugness.

"How was the ending?" Even Lapis's voice sounds dazed.

"Eh, it was anti-climactic," the green gem replies, then cuts a sly glance at her secret lover. "Although I'm sure you have a different opinion."

"Shut up before I stick your finger in a pencil sharpener."

* * *

 **Lapis: Next time we do the chores, I'm making you do all the lifting, Peri. :|**

 **Peridot: Oh don't act like you didn't enjoy that. ;)**

 **Steven: Why are you two blushing? :o**

 **Pearl: Hey, who tracked water all over the house? :/**

 **Amethyst: That's not water. ;D**

 **Garnet: No comment. :|**

 **Yeah, I had this brilliant idea for a comical smut situation around 2 AM last night. It started out pretty hot, but the more I thought about the situation, the more it became too funny to take seriously. So I had to do it. I also rushed it, so this may be a tad rough (and longer than I anticipated), but I just wanted to knock it out before getting back to Drowning Azure.**


End file.
